Apparently there is a new sexy movie called “50 Shades of Grey.” It is something about bondage, physical and emotional domination, and kinky sex, from what I gather. To be honest, the appeal of this particular movie is beyond me, but it is real. Therefore, I wanted to encourage people to think through whether or not they ought to support such a story.
I’ll probably come off as some sort of prude, Luddite, moralist, but I’ll state this anyway. It absolutely blows my mind that in an age when we trumpet equality for women, a story that is so anti-woman could gain so much traction in our society. I did my due diligence to understand the story by reading the appropriate Wikipedia articles (among other things), and let’s be honest, the story is not complex enough to warrant anything deeper, right? The conclusion I drew was that the appeal to the story is not simply the sexual aspect, but instead it is the age old fantasy of a woman being able to tame a powerful man. It is the desire of a female to be desired by someone who has power and control. It is the twisting of the nurturing heart of a woman to try to nurture goodness out of evil. Christian Grey, then, serves as the foil for the protagonist’s working out of her feelings of powerlessness in a world where the powerful rule. Plus sex.
I think some appropriate questions one may ask is why is this so appealing? What is it about the powerful, dominant, man-project that draws in so many women? This series apparently revels in the brokenness of man. It even goes so far as to refer to a healthy sexual relationship as, “vanilla,” which is meant in a derogatory way. It is the taboo that is titillating. The forbidden is the substance of fantasy. And all the while unhealthy relationships are lifted up. I think it is certainly appropriate for people considering going to this movie to ask what message this phenomenon sends to survivors of domestic abuse. Perhaps if they had been more submissive to the powerful abuser, they too could win him over? I think it would be appropriate for people considering paying into this franchise to ask themselves if they would like their daughters to date someone who only used their body, dominated them sexually, and inflicted physical pain in the name of erotica. Why is this ok? More than that, why is this the substance of anyone’s fantasy?
I’m going to get real “pastory” on you here. I think it actually goes back to Genesis. You see, the original temptation involved Eve’s being told that God was basically holding back on her. The taboo was that which was desired. The things that were off limits were the object of attention. It’s an old story. Then Eve tells Adam to eat of the fruit. She replaces God’s voice for Adam and Adam capitulates. The curse, as found in Genesis 3, is basically a reversal of this. The brokenness brought about by sin results in this pronouncement, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Fifty Shades of Grey is nothing more than an unimaginative telling of the curse that humanity bears. And the desire for Anastasia to “fix” Christian, to repair the abuse done to him by his mother’s neglect and his mother’s friend’s rape of Christian, is nothing more than Eve’s desire to be God for Adam. It’s an old story. It’s an old lie.
I am still dumbfounded by women choosing to chase THIS man. I may intellectually understand bits of it, but there is still a part of me that cannot comprehend the attraction to someone who uses power to dominate the other, and to use the other as less than human. A loving relationship does not involve a contract that allows a perpetrator to avoid punishment for pain inflicted. Love, quite simply, does not look that way. Instead, love is the one in power emptying themselves of that power on behalf of the other. As Saint Paul wrote:
Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus,
who, though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God
as something to be exploited,
but emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
being born in human likeness.
And being found in human form,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to the point of death—
even death on a cross.
Therefore God also highly exalted him
and gave him the name
that is above every name,
so that at the name of Jesus
every knee should bend,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue should confess
that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Real love is quite simply too wonderful a thing to replace with idolatry. I implore you to not only stop chasing shadows, but also to consider the damage that bad stories do to our understanding of self.